My last blog article in my newsletter was from 6th July. It was about my husband, Jan, having serious problems with his health. We still had all the faith that he would return to perfect health and it helped us to handle everything that was happening. But unfortunately, a lot of dreams didn’t come true.
After the devastating news that the doctors couldn’t save him anymore, we had to make tough decisions. It was good to find out that Jan decided the same as what I would have decided for him. He was still conscious, although very weak, and his speech had come back a bit more, so he could make every decision about his life himself. Every human has free will so I wanted him to choose himself. He chose to stop all treatment, to go home as a palliative care patient and to die at home in comfort and pain free. I completely supported and accepted his choice. I could so imagine that he didn’t want to live with this disease anymore. He loved an active life and working with his hands as a carpenter. That wasn’t possible anymore. He didn’t want to be a dad who could only lie in bed and needed fulltime care.
I chose to stand by his side, to support him in every way I could. The trip back home from hospital was very emotional for me. A new challenge had started and I didn’t feel completely prepared. It all went so fast. I had to think about so many things!
We had a big ‘Celebrate Life Party’ and a lot of visitors. Jan had exactly the day he wanted, he had chatted with everyone and after the party he decided to be sedated. His family had arrived a few days earlier and we all said our goodbyes before he received the sedation. After this, it looked like he would leave fast, but he kept breathing and he could communicate by blinking his eyes.
One night I woke up with an unbearable pain in my tummy. I first thought it was only what Jan was experiencing, and he was in pain and received more pain relief, but my pain increased rapidly. I had to go to hospital by ambulance and received an emergency surgery where my left ovary (blown up as big as a baby head and twisted) and a huge cyst (10 cm as big as an orange) were removed. It was very painful to leave Jan home while I had to go to hospital. It felt all so weird of me now being the patient in the ambulance and arriving on the emergency department in hospital. Me receiving morphine where I said ‘I feel I’m high now, but I’m still in pain’. It was all like a movie the other way around. I asked the universe for the best doctors and to use key hole surgery if possible so that I could go home soon. After 50 hours in hospital I went back home again. I had to cry when I could kiss Jan again and tell him I was back home and surgery had resolved my pain problem. It was all worse timing ever, but at the other hand, my sister and my family-in-law were present to take care of Jan and the girls. What if this surgery would be needed in future when I would be completely alone without any family to help? I believe universe had the best in mind for me and planned it like this.
On Wednesday 29 July 2015 I felt that I wanted to be alone with Jan and we spent 3 hours together. I found out he could still communicate but not by blinking his eyes, but by the movement of blinking; just the contraction of his eyelid muscles. I also could help him to let go of his biggest fear; to lose our strong soul connection after passing away. I told him I believed that our soul connection would always remain strong and that my experiences in giving readings for clients, had given me proof of that. And that I wanted him to believe that too. At 2 pm he could finally let go of his fear and his soul left his body. We could feel his peaceful presence for two hours after that and then he started his journey to heaven. It was a beautiful experience.
July was the most intense month of my life. You can read more detailed writing of me and my experiences that month on my Facebook business page. You can also read all this if you don’t have a Facebook account.
Jan is my true love. I say ‘is’ because he still is and the love we have for each other will never disappear. I am absolutely thrilled that I can connect with Jan myself after he passed away. He also sends messages to me via medium colleagues. I notice he’s helping me with lots of things that I need to deal with and miracles do happen almost daily. An example: I needed his Death Certificate to inform organisations, and so I told him I needed that certificate a.s.a.p. The same week I received it and even the funeral director was impressed by the short time frame, because it normally takes much longer. Jan is also sending me the right people in the right time and at the right place to help and support me. It’s amazing how much people have offered their help and did so much for me and the girls. Also people are asking Jan’s help for their personal lives. A woman who also suffered from the disease Scleroderma, told me that Jan gave her inspiration to undergo a stem cell transplant too and now she’s asking Jan to help her in life. A traumatised dog Jan was very fond of, was ill and after being asked to help (together with another deceased loved one in heaven), the doctors found out the next day what illness the dog suffered from and which medications she needed. And his best friend in Holland had a new experience in a conversation with his daughter, where he had the calmness he never had before. I had the pleasure to feel Jan’s energy merge with mine and since that moment, I feel him constantly with me. He is a kind of ‘inside’ me forever now. I can talk with him and I even channelled his message this weekend.
I can talk well about what happened. My emotions are mostly my gratefulness about the amount of help I received and still am receiving from others. The kindness of what people want to do for me. I am also very grateful for the doctors Jan had in hospital, especially the renal doctor Marina, who’s truly an angel. I feel very honoured that she contacted me personally. It’s also great to get feedback about the girls and how well they are doing after what happened. They were involved in everything, they’ve said their goodbyes many, many times too and they are still going good at school. I even found in my daughter’s homework the note from her teacher that he’s so proud of how she’s going the last month. Those things make me realise I’m the luckiest person in the world. I ask help, I receive help and I love life (yes, still!). I’m focussing on work again. The last two weeks I already gave the course lessons for the Improve your Mediumship course and I loved it. I love my work! I love connecting with the universe and experiencing all these wonderful energies, healing and messages. The 5th September I’ll have a stall at the Australian Paranormal & Spiritual Expo in Casula. On 26th and 27th September I’ll have a stall at the Body Mind & Spirit Expo in Shellharbour. Come and say hi there!