Mum with child small fileSeparations and divorces are happening a lot the last years, and maybe you’re in such a situation yourself lately. It’s often a huge decision to separate and divorce, which will change your whole life. When you have children with your ex-partner, you’ll ask yourself often if you’re doing it the right way and if you can handle it all. Besides a lot of emotions and trying to get agreements about dividing the possessions and the custody of your children, you’re also still a role model for your children. They learn from you how to handle stress and how to stand up for yourself. And that can be pretty hard in such a life changing situation, especially when you’re not in a smoothly going communication situation anymore with your ex-partner.

Let’s go through the issues I hear most from clients in a time of separation/divorce:

  • Worrying and being so busy in your mind with everything you have to make decisions about and what you have to arrange, which causes that you can’t sleep.
  • There seems to be not enough time in one day and you’re skipping meals, skipping drinking enough water, and skipping exercising, and it feels like you’re losing or lost control.
  • Everything comes to YOU, you’re so busy as a single parent to do everything alone, you’re overflowing and it feels like you have to be superwoman.
  • You’re overwhelmed of all emotions, think about: anger, sadness, hurt, disappointment, failure, guilt, fears, powerlessness, vulnerability, not supported and not understood. In a situation of difficulties to get a settlement with your ex-partner, you can experience huge fears and stress because you have to go to court and are at the mercy of ‘the legal system’.
  • You have a huge ‘to do list’, but you’re not able to focus, concentrate and prioritise.
  • You want time for yourself, but there isn’t really an opportunity.
  • Having many uncertainties about your future, think about: finding a new house, arranging the finances to pay all bills to get the settlement with your ex-partner on paper but also the finances as a single parent to pay for everything you and your children need to have a healthy and happy life, wondering if you’ll ever have a new loving partner and if you’ll ever be able to trust a partner again.
  • You want to love your children and provide a safe, healthy and joyful life for them, but you can’t give it right now because of how you feel and you wish you could read their minds about the whole situation. Often your children play up because they sense how you feel and they can even become ill or very angry and upset (think about tantrums) which gives even more stress.

Here’s a list how you can best take care of yourself in a time of separation/divorce:

  1. Put yourself in the first place; if you don’t take good care of yourself, you can’t take good care of your children
  2. Believe in yourself. You can handle everything in your life.
  3. Protect your energy, anchor yourself and cleanse your energy when you wake up and when you go to sleep. You can use my free guided meditation for this, see: Say out loud daily (or as often as you want): All energy I’ve given away or left behind, returns to me now, transformed in love and light.
  4. Eat healthy, drink a lot of water, exercise daily (a short walk in nature does miracles and can clear your mind and give you new insights also, or do yoga with free online lessons) and rest/sleep enough. Also treat yourself well by getting a massage or healing, go floating (, or visit a sauna.
  5. Ask for help and delegate tasks. You can ask family, friends, neighbours, colleagues, but also the universe with so many angels available for you.
  6. Tell your children it’s a decision of you and your ex-partner to divorce, it’s an adult decision and it has nothing to do with them, and that you both still love your children now and forever.
  7. Explain your children in a for their age understandable way how you feel, how you’re going to resolve that and tell them when you’re feeling is changed into a better feeling. I’d like to give an example from my personal life while I was in a divorce situation in 2009: When my ex-husband and I had words in the evening and this had triggered anger in me, I explained my daughter of 3 years old the next day: ‘mummy is feeling angry because of something dad and I spoke about last night, but tonight I’ll have a talk with him again and then it will be resolved’. I had the talk that night and told her the next morning: ‘mummy had a talk with dad last night and I’m not angry anymore. Everything is fine again’. Children are very sensitive and without telling them how you feel, they’ll know anyway. They don’t understand the feelings they experience and start to create their own interpretation, which is often wrongly interpreted and turning into beliefs as: it’s my fault, I’m causing all these problems, I’m bad, my parents don’t love me anymore, etc.
  8. Always speak positive about your ex-partner to your children. Otherwise your children get confused about love and feel they have to choose between two parents, which is an impossible choice to make.
  9. Teach your children to protect their energy, how to anchor themselves and how to cleanse their energy. It can be fun to do the guided meditation on my website together, see: Make it a new daily routine in your house.
  10. Keep an eye on how your children are coping with the whole process of divorce. Trust your intuition as a loving parent and when you have the feeling they need help to release their emotions, arrange that help (think about healing or therapy).
  11. Write a list of how your life is in an ideal situation with all your wishes fulfilled and you and your children being happy, joyful, at peace and abundant. See it before you, feel it in your body because that’s how you are manifesting what you want. Ask the universe to help you to have this ideal life. Be open for signs and guidance and trust your intuition in this to take action steps.
  12. Of course you can ask help from the universe with everything in your life. Tell the universe your worries, fears and with what you need help. Also ask to have faith. Be open for signs and guidance and trust your intuition in this to take action steps. Have faith, believe you’re protected, safe and loved. And only focus on positivity and the Light.
  13. Ask Archangel Michael to come to you with his golden sword of light, to cut all cords to your ex-partner (except pure, unconditional love if you prefer) on physical, emotional, mental and spiritual level, in all directions of time and on cell memory level. Then ask him to encircle all cut cords and attachments in his purple net of Light and to take this for you to the universe where it will all be transformed in love and light for you.

If you need help for yourself or your child(ren), I can offer you healing sessions. This can be done in my practice room, or on Skype or over the phone, but also on distance by using a photo and email. It often starts with cleansing your energy, adding energy and ‘emptying’ your mind, and then releasing emotions and beliefs that are blocking you. I can help you with the grieving process and approaching your future with faith and optimism again. If your children need help, I can offer a kid’s healing session. Children are very fast in releasing their blocking emotions. You’ll provide them a tool for life. I always advice children to teach this releasing technique to others too who can use it in their lives.

How to open your heart

HeartsDo you recognise the feeling that your heart is not completely open? That you can’t let love completely come in? Are you afraid that love makes you so vulnerable that you’ll lose control over yourself? That love will overwhelm you?

For most of my clients the cause of the above is that they’ve been hurt before in a relationship. In a romantic relationship or in a close friendship. And it often goes back to childhood experiences with the relationship of their parents. At some unconscious point in life they decided to close their hearts. It’s a decision to protect themselves.

A way to protect yourself is that you have built a wall of protection around your heart. Mostly to protect yourself from feeling the emotions like pain and hurt, from what happened in your relationship. Your fear of being vulnerable and getting hurt (again). But also fear of another disappointment about a dream that didn’t come true. Or a belief that true love wasn’t meant to be for you, or that you don’t get a second chance with love.

Do you feel it’s time for you too to open up your heart and move forward in life? And don’t you know how?

If you believe, like me, that you chose this life with all its lessons, you know deep inside that you can handle everything that happens in your life. Everything happens to learn from it and it makes you stronger. This means you can handle the emotions you have blocked from the past where you were hurt and afraid. They’re making you stuck at the moment. You need to allow your emotions, feelings and beliefs to be there completely and give all your attention to them, and then you can release them. From experience I can tell you that the fear of facing them is often bigger than to actually allow them and release them. The result is that the tightness in your chest and heart area disappears and your aura expands; you’ll feel more space around you. It’s like freedom, a new opening. Visualise your heart as a beautiful flower and let it blossom open with all its petals. Do this daily and visualise a golden protection light around it.

You deserve love. You are lovable! See yourself in that situation with your heart open, and feel how good that feels.

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