Taking time to heal

Grass tree sun smallAfter some very intense months in which I experienced the loss of my soul mate and husband Jan, being confronted with his ex-wife who didn’t respect my grieving process and caused drama including projecting her anger on me, Jan’s friend who put pressure on me because he went into the drama of Jan’s ex-wife, the administration round Jan’s passing and getting all contracts of the daily necessary things as gas, electricity and phone in my name, recovery of my own surgery, finding a new house and moving, the administration round my move, and settling in in my new place, I am just tired.

My body gave me a lot of signs like a very low level of iron, just feeling tired even after a night of sleep, not feeling in the mood for sports or even walking. But after my move and having handed in the keys of my previous house, I could finally let go of all the stress from the last months. I constantly knew that I had to move as the last thing on the To-Do-List. Our house would be for sale at the end of the year and we had a construction site in our garden after Jan’s passing. Our house didn’t have privacy anymore with builders and painters around it constantly.

It’s quite a project to move from a large house for four people to a house for two people. All the stuff of Jan I had to go through and the same for Lois’ (his daughter) stuff. She wasn’t staying with us from two weeks after Jan’s passing. Her mum didn’t respect my grieving process and caused drama that was accompanied with a lot of anger and negativity. I set my boundaries and protected them. I choose love in my life and there’s no place for negativity. If that meant to not have my stepdaughter to come to our house anymore, so be it. I have explained to Lois clearly that she’s always welcome to visit us, but that there’s no place for negativity in our lives. She will find the connection to her heart and know her truth, and one day act upon that. We send her a lot of loving energy and ask the angels to guide her. Love is always the answer to the best solution.

I also found out people judge about my choice, even have put pressure on me trying to make me change my decision. I sticked with what I had discussed with Jan and what feels as our truth in my heart. That’s the only way I could live with myself. I’m the only one who has discussed all details with Jan. He told a few tiny pieces to others (mostly to reassure and comfort them) but nobody has the whole picture, except me. This situation made me decide to not trust anyone with inside information and keep everything for myself. I wanted to prevent more drama. It has been hard to handle all this after Jan’s passing. It felt very lonely to have to deal with all this alone during what was meant to be grieving time. There was no time for me to really grieve, because of all the stress caused by others. It’s great to receive Jan’s confirmation that he’s still very proud of me and how I’m dealing with everything.

Before my move, I had to make all decisions what to sell, throw or give away or keep and I used my connection with Jan a lot for this. On the day of my move I was so tired, that I just stood in the kitchen holding the kitchen bench and said to the wonderful people who helped me: “I am breaking. I can’t think anymore. I can’t move anymore. I’m exhausted. I completely trust you. Do whatever you think is the handiest for me and when I’m back again, I’ll go from there. I am just so grateful for your help.” Universe has sent me really amazing people on my path and without them, I couldn’t have realised all this. I’m very aware of this.

Then our wedding anniversary came on 11th November, and symbolically on that day I returned all Lois’ stuff to her that I had saved and collected for her. With everything to keep for her, I had felt in my heart if it would have a special meaning or a memory to Jan for her. After delivering everything, I felt emotions when driving back home and I shared with Esmee that I felt Lois had a piece of Jan back into her life again. That night Jan confirmed that this was his message to me (by giving me those feelings in the car) and that I had received his message right. The action Jan suggested to help me ‘celebrate’ our wedding anniversary, helped me tremendously that day. There were so many people participating in lighting a candle as a remembrance for our love and the intention to share this love with the world. Jan thanks everyone who participated.

Don’t forget the financial stress after Jan’s passing. I’m a sole trader and dependent of clients to come for treatment or a session. If I don’t have a client, I don’t earn an income. But the world is based on paying your bills anyway, even though you didn’t have a client. And when you’re feeling tired and sad, there’s still the urge to earn an income. It’s my intention to provide a safe, healthy and happy life for myself and Esmee and I will definitely proof to myself that I can do that. I’m still in the modus of stress, being busy, running forward, no time to stop. But… I have no deadlines anymore. I can relax now. I have to use the button of slowing down and stop. Taking time to heal my body and my heart.

My heart is hurt, maybe broken or torn apart is a better word. I miss Jan, my soul mate. I came to Australia to marry him and become old with him. To live our dreams, to travel and see Australia. The dream only came true partially. But the time we had together, was wonderful. I am grateful for everything we experienced, also the last intense month together. I was honoured to be there for him, to help, support and encourage him. Now it’s time for my healing. I need to reprogram myself to take me-time every day, to meditate and channel with my guides and angels (including Archangel Michael). And I need to take time to heal my heart. To release all hurt and pain, to only take with me to 2016 the beautiful memories about our magical soul connection and marriage. The memories of a man who’s always in my heart. And I’m very grateful that I can still connect and communicate with him and receive his messages. He’s still helping, guiding and supporting me. He’s not gone. He’s just taken on a different form.

Thank you for joining my ‘light a candle’ action to support me

Today has been an amazing day. Thank you for all the people who joined me (and in the Netherlands still join me cause it’s just noon there). It feels so incredible that you all want to share the love of Jan and me with the world. I lit my candle at 7.30 am this morning and it’s still burning. I had a phone call from my friend Mary this morning, which was such a wonderful present. I got a beautiful message from one of my students this morning. She knows Jan personally too. She told me she had been thinking of Jan and me and the angels when she looked at the clock and saw the time 11:11. I received this message at the time 11:13 which is confirmation of the crossed over brother of my friend Evelyn. Later that day I called our wedding celebrant Tania. She told me she was thinking this morning at the time 11:11 about Jan and me and how she married us 4 years ago at precisely 11:11 we said ‘yes’ to each other. I completely forgot that time. It’s true: we got married at 11-11-2011 at 11:11 am. I messaged again to my student to confirm this to her. That she was truly connected to Jan and our love at our marriage time. That was such a confirmation for her mediumship. I had a lovely conversation tonight with my friend and colleague Elida and Jan passed on a message that he’s grateful for everyone participating today in spreading our love and consciously thinking of us and our love.

Yes, I miss him. It would be fantastic if he could just hold me once more. But let me tell you this: today while I meditated I channelled him myself and I could visualise him standing before me. He said he wanted to show himself before me and I got a picture of him in my third eye with my eyes closed. I felt myself floating towards him (within a second) and he held his arms very firmly around me. I didn’t see his arms open and then fold around me, no, I floated towards him and he had his arms immediately around me. It felt so incredibly good. The tears were flowing over my face, that’s how wonderful and special this was. What a beautiful gift to receive today. Jan was right about receiving small and big gifts today. Besides that my doors and window and washing machine are repaired today also, the spiritual gifts came in constantly.

Thank you all for the love and strength you’ve given me. It made my day lots lighter and easier. The heaviness I felt before was completely gone after I posted the action of lighting a candle. A new phase of life starts from now on. I’m in my new house, ready to do the loving work I so enjoy and that fulfils me so much. There’s nothing more beautiful than helping other people to find their connection to their inner truth and wisdom and use their intuition to walk their path.

Candle of love

Candle of love

Tomorrow will be my wedding anniversary (11-11-2011). It would have been 4 years. It feels like a huge mountain to take for me to go to tomorrow. I asked Jan how I can best remember and celebrate our love tomorrow and this morning I received his answer.

I will light a candle tomorrow from the moment I wake up until I’ll go to bed again. This candle symbolises our pure, unconditional love. I’ll give our love the intention to spread through this candle all over the world to everyone who needs this love because they miss a dear loved one too.

For Jan and me it would be a huge present if you too will light a candle tomorrow and give it the same intention. Share this message if you want to join and let’s try to create a chain of lighted candles in the world to spread love. If you’ll join, I would appreciate it if you’ll send me a message below (like ‘I’m joining’), just to see how far this idea of Jan can reach.

Thank you so much for participating. I’d like to do this every year on 11th November from now on.

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Guided to my new house

Moving House

Moving House

I had a couple of super busy weeks because I moved to a new house, and I’d love to tell you the story how miracles happened to find this new place. Lots of guidance and signs from the universe.

About a month ago I received a channelled message through my colleague that the universal beings knew what my next house would become. I got three descriptions:

  1. It would be a silent surrounding
  2. It would have a high vibration of energy
  3. There would be kids for my daughter in the neighbourhood to play with

I took this all as a sign that it was time to look carefully for a new house to move to and to spread the word that I was looking for another place. At first I wanted to have a house with a special room for my work, but I soon discovered that was another price range. With the help of my kinesiologist I found out that I would do my work from my living room. Not a problem because I had done that after my divorce in the Netherlands too and that worked really well.

Only two weeks later I saw a place for lease close to my house and the name of the real estate agent caught my eye. I knew her from the past because she was the previous real estate agent from my current place. I strongly felt I needed to speak to her. I called here and left a message about what had happened in my life [that my husband Jan crossed over to heaven] and that I was interested in viewing the place for rent close to my house, because I was looking for a smaller place. Again Jan passed on a channelled message through my colleague that he had a surprise for me in this house, so that I needed to go and have a look, but that it was not The house universe had in mind for me. It was a confirmation for me that my intuition was guiding me in the right direction. I made the appointment to view the place and immediately saw it was not was I was looking for. But, the conversation with the real estate agent was very interesting! I explained that I was planning to go to an open house of another place in the area the next day and that I thought that would be The new place for me. At the end of our conversation she gave me her business card and said that she was happy to be a reference for me when I would apply for the house that I would visit the next day. I thought ‘that’s the gift Jan mentioned’ and accepted her offer grateful.

The next day I visited the house where I live now. I saw it on internet and this is my story about signs and signals from the universe. I got a very happy feeling with the photos of this place. I decided to drive past it with my daughter. When we turned into the street, I thought ’29 is in numerology an 11 and my life purpose number is 11 and I love 11 numbers’ (my parental place was 22 and my previous address was 33). The name of the street is Iris Ave and Iris is Jan’s niece in the Netherlands. After I got the house, my colleague asked ‘but isn’t Iris your favourite flower?’ and I realised that I completely forgot about that! It’s truly my favourite flower. The house has an amazing sea view at the back and Jan loves the sea. Whenever he felt out of balance, he hopped on his scooter and rode to the beach, he sat there and watched, smelled and breathed in the sea. How amazing that he guided us to the house with this beautiful sea view. I always write a list with what I’m looking for (wishing list) to the angels and ask their help with all subjects in my life. I also had written a list with wishes for my new house. In the past this worked out very well, so the evidence was already there for me. In my wishing list for my new house I asked for a renovated kitchen and bathroom and I couldn’t be happier with how it looks. I applied the day of the open house and I pictured myself living there, which was very easy. I had a really good feeling about this place. It had a silent surrounding, the energy felt great and there were kids from school close by, so the three descriptions were right for this place.

That day I asked for confirmation from the universe if I would get the house and I never have had so many angel numbers after each other. We saw a few cars driving in front of us within five minutes time and they all had the same numbers in their number plates with 4 digits, 3 digits and 2 digits. When I went to bed, I channelled Jan and he let me look at his photo on my nightstand and said about the house on Iris Ave: “This is the house I want you to live with Esmee.” I can’t sleep from excitement and ask for another sign. It takes a lot to convince me! Just after midnight when I walk to the bathroom, I suddenly get a very clear message in my head: “The house will be yours. Prepare to move.” I always love short and clear messages. I’m very surprised about what just happened and ask: “Says who?” And then I receive: “God, the Creator”. Wow, I fall silent and have all the faith of the world now. I hop into bed again and fall asleep immediately.

Two days later I called at the end of the day to ask if a decision had been made about who would become the new tenant for 29 Iris Ave in Coniston. The real estate agent didn’t know yet and I could call back on Monday. A whole weekend of waiting! What a challenge to be patient… Half an hour later I am on the phone and heard a voicemail coming in. When I listen to the voicemail message, it is the real estate agent that my application is approved and that I am the new tenant. I call my daughter and together we listen again to the voicemail message. I pick her up and together we make a dance of joy and thank the universe several times for this beautiful news. How exciting.

Because we moved from a huge house to a smaller house, I had to sell and give away a lot of content. It’s good to declutter anyway, but it’s amazing how all things went to beautiful people. I want to share two stories about this.

Jan’s motorbike jacket went to a guy who would have his motorbike exam the next day. He asked me why the jacket was for sale, while he was trying it on. I explained it was my husband’s who had passed away recently. I noticed he was a bit shocked about this and I quickly added that his positive energy and love for bikes was in the jacket. Jan’s a pure motorbike lover, a great motor rider and he bought this jacket to ride on his motor scooter, which gave him so much pleasure. That all his motor experience and motor joy was connected to this jacket and that he would absolutely protect this guy and help him pass his exam (that’s what I asked Jan immediately to do). Of course this guy bought the jacket. It fitted him as if it was made for him, although he was much taller than Jan.

Another beautiful story. Jan loved to build model bikes, cars and he even built a model ship. He had started earlier this year on a Volkswagen Samba bus. Last year he studied for life coach and his dream was to do coaching sessions in future in a VW bus at the beach. Building this model bus was part of manifesting his dream. He only had done the bottom part with the benches on it. I didn’t know what to do with it and suddenly got the insight to call the shop where he bought lots of his model parts. I explained the situation and asked if they knew a customer who would be interested in having this and build it further and having another new model car (Mini Cooper Rally) still in the package. A week later I got a phone call from someone who was interested. He came with his wife that night and I gave him both the model cars. He stood before me with all the parts of the VW bus in his hands and asked me if I wanted the bus back when he would have finished it. This touched me so extremely, that I started to cry. I was so amazed that he offered this. I thought ‘how is this miracle possible because that’s exactly what I had thought a couple of times, that it would be great to get the model bus back when it’s finished’. I told this man that that was really generous of him and that I would love to have the bus back in the light blue colour that Jan loved so much. How much evidence do you get that your husband in heaven is still connected to you and still guides you in life? I’m so grateful for his help, support and guidance. We’re still a good team!

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