Does your ego trust or distrust?

Recently I participated in an online workshop by Matt Kahn. At the end he answered a few questions live with people and in one of these mini sessions the root cause of distrust came up. I listened carefully how he went through this distrust issue with the particular woman and waited for the replay to arrive in my inbox to type out exactly what he did. I’m always looking for tools to facilitate healing for myself and my clients, and this was definitely a tool I was interested in, because most people have distrust issues.

What came up in the session was that the woman didn’t trust, because her ego thought it was in charge of trusting it. Think about this sentence and check in with yourself. Your ego thinks it is in charge of trusting anything.

“If I say I don’t need my ego to trust this, and my ego can distrust it as often as it wants, that’s what makes it more real to me. Cause if I had to trust this, how real would it be? If I stop trusting my breath, would I stop breathing? No, I wouldn’t. And since my breath is real, it serves me, whether I believe it or not. So, I thank my ego for trying to be in control. It doesn’t matter what my ego thinks about this.”

The woman felt more free after this, but not totally free. The part that wasn’t free yet, was her throat and the risk of coming out of hiding, was being judged. She asked her throat ‘what happens when you’re being judged?’ The answer was: nothing. After this she still felt doubt. The reason: she was afraid to be in pain again. It’s like a protection that she wanted to prevent pain happening again.

Very recognisable, don’t you think? We all don’t want to experience pain again. But the truth is that we will all experience pain again. Everyone will experience pain again. Me, you, everyone. If you realise and acknowledge that, your body already calms down more.

“The difference is: your relationship with pain will determine whether you suffer or expand. When we stop being afraid of pain, two things can happen:

  1. You can tell yourself “I won’t be in pain again’, and the reason you can’t believe it is because it is not true, you will be in pain again, but the reason you’re not gonna suffer and the reason you’re gonna expand, is because you’re not in conflict with pain. Pain will happen and is a part of the human experience. If you’re trying to tell yourself ‘if I do all these things right, I won’t be in pain again’, that’s not true.
  2. Tell the truth to yourself: The truth is, I may not be in as much pain as I was, but pain may return. And it doesn’t mean I’m gonna be stuck in pain, cause pain is like quicksand. The more I try to escape it, the more stuck I become. The more I relax in it, the more I lift out of it. And just because I feel pain, doesn’t mean I have to suffer. Suffer is when I’m trying to fight pain to get away from it. And when pain is an ally, not an enemy, pain becomes expansion. Because pain is a part of our growth. Pain is the expansion the ego didn’t prepare for. And when we don’t need to prepare for any experience, it doesn’t have to be painful. But in order to get there, pain comes and goes. But I don’t have to lie to myself, I don’t have to suffer. I can let pain help me to expand. And I don’t have to judge myself when pain arrives. I also don’t have to be afraid of pain, cause it’s not really here right now. And looking for it is not gonna help me, because pain is always unexpected. If I just tell myself the truth, I can actually adjust to it. And I don’t have to be afraid of being in pain.

After this the woman felt it was part of her journey of surrendering.
“The more you surrender to the fact that pain will come back inevitably, the less it needs to. And if you think spiritual evolution is trying to make it till pain is never coming back, you haven’t learned from it. All I [Matt Kahn] do, is let pain humble me. and every time I am in pain, I say ‘thank you’. The deeper the pain, the louder the ‘thank you’. I’ve [Matt Kahn] been in excruciating pain and I’m not afraid of it anymore, I don’t need to live my life in avoidance of anything. What’s the worst that could happen? That I’m in pain, I know pain well, it’s an old friend of mine, I’m not afraid of it.

Pain happened in your past. That’s a semester of the curriculum you’ve already completed. That’s like saying something can happen and you’ll find yourself going from your adult self, back to 5th grade. You’ve already completed that, you’re done with that. So you don’t have to be afraid anymore. And talking about pain is not gonna make it come faster, that’s a superstition, and you are safe. And you don’t have to believe anything I say. A part of you is doubting, that’s totally normal. And a part of you has received the message. The shift already happened.”

I noticed after this mini session that something shifted within me also about the trusting part. I’ve had several traumatic experiences in my life where I felt that I couldn’t trust the universe because of what happened. It’s a human reaction. Later in time, when I had worked my way through releasing the blockages and trauma, I could see the divine perfection of the situation and what it had brought for my growth and evolution. But that is always later when you look back and have done the work on yourself.

I hope sharing this mini session of Matt Kahn has brought a shift about trusting for you too. It could be very helpful to start the new year!

You can still ask your spirit guides to receive my free distant energy healing that I’ve sent on Christmas Eve, to help you cope with all the energies happening and staying in balance. Mercury Retrograde will end 2nd January 2024 and then we’ll be in a 2 weeks shadow time of it, but it’ll feel lighter and you’ll be more in the flow again if you’ve taken the time to work on yourself.

I’d like to wish you and your family a fantastic, abundant, successful, miraculous, safe, healthy and loving 2024! Set your intentions for the new year ahead, make a personal ritual of asking spiritual help and guidance to achieve your goals, and only take with you to the new year, what you want to have in your life. Part of my intention is: Love and Light for humanity and a world of peace and working together to have an amazing world of a high vibration where we help each other the best we can.

Astrid Boot