Contact with a family member or friend has stopped years ago after a situation happened. Maybe the other said something that hurt you, or behaved towards you in a way that hurt or disappointed you. Maybe you’ve said a sentence or behaved in a way back that you regret or feel guilty about. And sometimes it can even be such a small thing, that it’s kind of silly to have no contact any longer because of such littleness. It can be stubbornness or you’re still having many questions in your head about what happened that caused this situation. Fact is that both parties are left with emotions after the situation in the past and the emotions get triggered thinking about each other, resulting in a disconnection that could last forever if no one takes action.
I’ve had a client who lost the contact with his adult children after a funeral of his parents. He had asked a favour to one of one of them and didn’t understand why it had been too much to do the favour. Looking back the tone in his voice had probably caused the whole disconnection between them. His child showed up at the funeral but was staying on a distance. My client felt abandoned and hurt.
The other child had planned a year abroad and he would leave a few days before the funeral. My client wanted him to leave after the funeral and offered to pay for changing the ticket. His child decided to go as planned. My client felt disappointed and hurt.
After releasing the emotions in his body plus the belief that my client had created of not being good enough as a dad to his children, the anxiety about the disconnection with his children had transformed into feeling calm. He could forgive his children and himself for what had happened and set them all free. He had tried during the past years to contact both children by phone, but they didn’t answer his calls. It was time for a new approach.
We came to an action plan of sending a personal email to both of his children and writing from his heart about what he had felt, and he would share with them that he had worked on himself by releasing emotions about the whole situation. He would explain his wish to reconnect again and be a father and friend in their lives if they let him. And he would invite them separately for a cup of coffee in a café with a day and time to talk about their feelings and to find a way to leave the past behind and make a new start again with their relation.
We both thought that a personal email with explanation of my client’s feelings and apologies to one of them would give the opportunity to his children to re-read the message, let it sink in, and have the opportunity to choose wisely if they wanted to accept the invitation to meet. It gave them freedom to choose instead of being confronted with a phone call of which they didn’t know the intention. Seeing their dad’s name in the phone screen possibly triggered old feelings that made them avoid to answer the call. Now they could read the openness and honesty of their dad about his feelings and hopefully that will open them up to accept the invitation and talk about their feelings too.
My client felt confident and empowered about this plan and to take this action. It gave him a feeling of moving forward again to hopefully a good outcome and meeting both his children to talk as adults about the situation. He’ll visualise the meetings with his children, the openness and honesty in the conversation with them and how wonderful it feels to reconnect again in his dad role. I’ve asked many angels to help them to make this wish come true.
Do you also have emotions (and maybe beliefs about yourself) after a situation in the past, that are still blocking a relationship with loved ones? And do you want to change this into a healthy relationship again? You can work on your part so that you can stay calm and in your power, giving an opening to the other to heal too and hopefully reconnect together. I’d like to offer five people a free session of approx. 30 minutes to give you some tips and advices about how you can change your situation. You can apply for a free session through the contact form on my website home page for a free session or by commenting on this article.