My newsfeed showed many posts about mothers and their children being together and celebrating Mother’s Day yesterday.
I keep quiet on such days. I am a mother and have a beautiful daughter of who I am very proud. I don’t hear from her on special days like Mother’s Day, my birthday, or public holidays, although we live in the same town. This has been for two years in the meantime.
Has it been hard? Incredibly hard.
Her decision came just before Christmas 2023. I did not expect it. “I’m moving out.” My body responded with an uncontrollable shaking because of a deep financial fear that was triggered. I asked her if she was sure, because it didn’t seem a smart idea being in Year 12 and having to study for her exams. She had made her decision. I said I could only go with her decision then.
I have cried 3 days. Christmas went past without any celebration. My identity as a mum caring for my daughter in daily life changed and I needed to let go. I was worried and concerned about her.
Moving out
I went to open house inspections with her, helped her go through the real estate agent’s contract and gave advices from my own experiences. She took it on board. I helped her move and drove a big van to transport her furniture. She called late the first night in tears, for the first time living on her own in a big building with strangers. I held space, acknowledged her feelings, comforted her until she felt at peace to sleep.
A week later, I moved to my new place. On her 18th birthday. She visited and we ate a piece of cake for her birthday. We drove for her L Plate letters until she got her P plate. I was proud of her. I wanted to give her a hug to congratulate. She couldn’t receive it. It hurt.
One night, on my late husband’s birthday, I had invited her to eat dinner at my place. We got into a conversation where I pointed out that certain decisions she was making in her life didn’t make sense, especially not with what she knew about my life experiences. She got upset and left in tears in the pouring rain. I offered to drop her home in my car, but she declined.
Missing out on her graduation ceremony
From there our contact was minimum. I missed out on the experience I had been looking forward to: her graduation ceremony. She won a major award, but I wasn’t there to be a proud mum. Instead I had been crying since her text message that she preferred me to not come to the ceremony. I honoured her preference out of love. I hadn’t slept the whole night, and I was in bed crying during the ceremony till I had no tear left.
I send text messages of love when my intuition guides me to do so. I deliver cards in her mailbox for special occasions.
Working on myself
I’ve worked tremendously on myself to let her go, to allow her to have this experience she chooses, to give her the space to find out who she is and what her needs are, and to let her know in my messages that I love her and that my door is always open to reconnect. I’ve forgiven her and myself and done hours of Ho’oponopono healing on us to help heal this life and past lives between us. My Mother’s Day was a few hours of transformational healing for us with love. My feelings about Mother’s Day were finally neutral, although my heart is open to hear from her.
Know that it is incredibly special to spend quality time with your child(ren) when possible. Don’t take it for granted. 
