I am reading a book about Shadow work and decided to work on a particular shadow I recognised in myself where the root cause went back to my divorce in 2009. How this divorce became a fact, is an interesting story by itself.
A channelled message
I was on the phone with a fellow-student from the mediumship education I’ve done. Suddenly he channelled a sentence from his guide – we couldn’t repeat the sentence afterwards, we had no memory of it – and I had a pinball machine happening in my tummy. I focused on what was happening in my tummy and then had an insight that the decision for divorce was behind me and in real life I still needed to take all actions like communicating about it and finding a new house to live with my child.
Shock and action
As you might imagine, this channelled sentence and the pinball machine experience were a shock. I wasn’t considering any break-up and thought that this was how life with a new family was. I hadn’t reflected on it at all till then. But sitting a bit with this new insight of a divorce, it started to make sense that this was the best thing to do for me and my life purpose. It clicked as truth.
The next day after a long session and talk with a colleague-healer, I went home and communicated the decision.
I was scared about everything that would happen from here. And this is what came to the surface in doing the shadow work yesterday with myself. I allowed all my younger selves to step forward and to feel all their feelings, emotions, and thoughts that were still there.
Deepest insights
The deepest insights I got out of this were:
- I had many fears of things that can happen with my child I wasn’t prepared for, because I had no experience as a mother. This was my first motherhood experience. How was I going to raise my child mostly by myself and how could I protect my child by myself?
- I had missed out on quality time with my child because of the pressure to earn money and be able to pay for everything. I started in a new job 2 weeks after giving birth! My body was tired and had gotten no time to recover. I felt torn between having to work to earn money and wanting to enjoy my motherhood and cuddling with my baby.
- I had created a connection between money and safety; I believed ‘I was not going to be OK.’
- I had an imprint/implanted belief that my husband would be the provider and had given my power away to him with the divorce decision.
Younger selves healed
It was raw and intense to feel all emotions that were still in all my younger selves, but I’ve worked my way through them. They are healed and we became one. I reclaimed my power and chose a new affirmation that ‘I am the provider for myself in all ways that exist.’ It felt peaceful, calm, grounded, lighter, truthful and I saw a lot of white light around me.
Opportunity to transform
If you have a situation in your past that you can’t seem to transform by yourself, I can help you to:
- uncover what is still there to be released;
- assist you with the releases;
- do the healing work with your younger selves;
- empower yourself more as an end result.
Contact me to schedule a free Lighten Your Load Check Up phone call to find out how I’d work with you for your personal situation.
